Netflix February_day.11 – CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE (2003)

_11 days, it’s time to dance. Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle was watched. Wow…wow. I don’t even know where to start with this. Let’s…perhaps we’d better start from the beginning.

Scene: Mongolia. There’s crime afoot. You can tell from the dramatic music and sweeping cameras. Camera zooms on a crate. Alex (Lucy Liu) is in it. “Put the babysitter to bed. Daddy’s home.” That’s a doozy of spy code. Scenes turns to a shrouded figure engaged in a drinking game at some kind of pub. In Mongolia. It’s Dylan! (Drew Barrymore) She got Alex’s message. The game is afoot. Suddenly, a rapping at the door…Natalie! (Cameron Diaz) She has on winter gear of some kind and pigtails. Onto the mechanical bull she goes, to distract the Mongolian patrons. A cut…we see a masked man being tortured and filmed. Alex punches somebody in the camera. Had the chance to go for the face, but the mechanical device seemed the best choice, I guess. She frees the masked man, who turns out to be Robert Patrick. Dylan attempts to open the trap door in ye olde pub, but a large drunk man has fallen on it. Things occur, and the Angels get found out. Bullet dodging back-flips occur out of second story windows, and the Angels hop onto a big truck. They drive it across a bridge, only to have a tank block their path…and an RPG guy behind them. Rockets from both sides! They’re fired! Angels drive the truck off of the bridge! It was housing a helicopter on the back! Dramatic falling sequence ensues!

Yup…that was the opening scene. It’s kind of like an asinine Bond movie opening. It’s overblown and packed full of too much shit. Although, it’s also directed by the worst director to have made the jump from music videos to film, McG. I think it’s a little bit of a telling sign that he kept the moniker of McG even when he started making Hollywood movies. Just a tad.

_Here’s a list of songs I recognized during the movie. After the first 2 scenes, I started keeping track in notepad while I watched.

Wild Thing / Sleep Now in the Fire / Mickey / Rebel, Rebel / U Can’t Touch This / Centerfold / Who Are You / Miserlou / Surfer Girl / Thunder Kiss ’65 / Feel Good Time / Breathe / Livin’ On a Prayer / Nuthin’ But a G Thang / Working For the Weekend / Flashdance (What a Feeling) / The Pink Panther / Firestarter / Last Dance / Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head / Block Rockin’ Beats / Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting / Any Way You Want It

Mmmmmmmmmhm. Yup. And that’s just the stuff I recognized and knew the titles of off the top of my head. Oh, I also feel I should mention that “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” isn’t the Elton John version, but is a stirring rendition by Nickelback and Kid Rock.

I give McG shit for pounding out a sack of shit like this, but I’ll give him credit where credit is due. He needed a creepy ass dude in his movie, and he cast Crispin Glover. Bravo, sir. Bravo. He also cast Robert Patrick as a government agent who goes bad, which surprised nobody. Has Robert Patrick ever been a good guy? It’s crazy because he doesn’t even look like a bad dude. He’s just always playing bad guys. And I swear, Demi Moore must have had it written in her contract that she would show off her body at every opportunity in this movie. Like…”I haven’t been in any movies for a while, but I just turned 40 and have a rockin’ body. I’m gonna flaunt this shit just so everybody knows the score.” It’s silly.

It wasn’t all bad, though. It did give us the opportunity for this scene to exist.

And in the end, I think that makes it OK.

_Come back tomorrow, where we kick it old school. Reeeeeeeal old school. Metropolis. 1927 represent. See you tomorrow~


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