_Welcome to 20…except with this 20, I’m not going to suggest you show up early. Feel free to stop by at your leisure. Today we have Swamp Thing. I could try to synopse it myself, but the movie itself does it right at the beginning, so I’ll just copy it word for word…
“Not long ago, in the unexplored reaches of an unmapped swamp, the creative genius of one man collided with another’s evil dream, and a monster was born. Too powerful to be destroyed, too intelligent to be captured, this being still pursues its savage dream.”
_Now…based on the wording of this intro, you would think “Oh, so the Swamp Thing is already roaming the swamp and stuff.” Nope. The first 20 minutes are the origin of the Swamp Thing. Everything about the Swamp Thing is summed up in two sentences, and then the movie starts and we pretty much see those two sentences play out. It’s kind of like if the opening scroll of A New Hope read “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a young man named Skywalker left his home to help the rebels destroy the Empire’s Death Star.” Don’t tell me everything right off the bat, guy.
_I wonder what auditions for the female lead were like. “Ma’am, could you please remove your bra and run around for us, please?”
_During the movie, there’s a mercenary force trying to capture the Swamp Thing. There’s about…6 or 7 of them? I think Swamp Thing picked up and tossed any member of the merc force into the swamp at least 20 times. That’s basically his signature attack. “Lift and toss into water.”
_It’s not surprising, what with the title of the movie having “swamp” in it, but a lot of the film takes place in a swamp. Which…was a little dull. Everybody is wading knee deep in water all the time. The final climatic fight scene is between the Swamp Thing and a furry beastman with a sword, knee deep in a bog. …yup. I was bored. This movie bored me.
_Come by tomorrow, as I travel to the Planet of the Apes. See you then~