_I’ve recently found myself preoccupied with hate. Maybe…not exactly “Hate” but more just “Not liking things.” I’ve found myself feeling more and more negative. It’s harder to focus on aspects of things that I like more than aspects that I dislike. I can’t tell if the source is depression or my entering a general state or curmudgeon-ness with age. I know it’s one of the two, or possibly a combination of both.
_My sister, Riley, has moved back in with us. It’s been nice, but kinda dour at the same time. We enjoy hanging out together, but the thing that bonds us closest together is our general disdain for our situations in life. It’s nice to have somebody that relates, somebody to complain to…but it’s kind of sad at the same time when all conversations eventually turn to “God, I hate my life.”
_I’m an avid gamer. The majority of my friends became my friends based on a mutual love of gaming. Yet most of the time when I talk about video games with friends, it’s often on negative things. Games I don’t like. Things I hate about modern consoles. Popular games that I think are garbage. Everything just seems to…veer towards the negative.
_Like I said…I don’t know if I’m just getting old and cynical or if I’m just depressed. All I know is that it sucks. I hope to turn things around and not feel like a shithead all the time…we’ll see how that goes.