The Running Diary: Final Fantasy VIII -9-

Previously on Final Fantasy VIII: We pretty much blew through disc 3, which only continued with the frustrating lack of focus and coherence in the narrative. Squall u-turned into blindly loving Rinoa, nobody gave Cid shit about abandoning a bunch of kids in the midst of a full-scale military battle, we went into space, killed some aliens…I can barely remember cause so little of it made any rational sense. In fact, I’ve actually beaten the game since my last post, but we’ll get to that in time…

_Man…I forgot everything I did between space and Adel. Gotta check the guide…hmmmmm…a tiny cute alien…tossing rocks into a pond and gallivanting around the world…fought Bahamut and Ultima Weapon…hm. Nothing really that important. Except running around on some islands spamming confirm to get some OP spells for an hour or so. Let’s run off to Lunatic Pandora!

_Odin really showcases how pathetic he is in the final Seifer fight. Seifer’s anti-Odin counterattack is literally him holding his sword straight in front of him and not moving. And Odin just barrels into it headfirst, getting himself and his horse cleaved in half. Then Gilgamesh picks up his sword and blows Seifer away. Gilgamesh, the guy who got banished into the Void in FF5 for being a bumbling incompetent comic relief character, succeeds where Odin failed. FF8 Odin, G fuckin’ G, man.

Then came some fight with Adel where Rinoa was fused onto her chest…I don’t even remember how that happened. Rinoa just ran into the room and Adel took her or something. Seriously, Rinoa, if you had just not run into rooms for no good reason, all of our lives would’ve been easier. You never would’ve become a sorceress, we could’ve fought Adel without having to worry about you being in the crossfire…hell, we wouldn’t have even had to BOTHER with Adel due to you not being able to have been taken over and letting her out of her space prison. God…just stay put, bitch.

_Next up, our grand plan of “Let the evil sorceress succeed in her plan so we can stop her because we know how time compression works somehow” gets underway, as Rinoa lets Ultimecia into her [not as hot as it sounds] and Ellone sends her ass back…whenever. Despite Ellone needing to know the person in the past to send them back. Ulty knows her way around this, I guess. So, we start going through time, fighting a bunch of deformed monsters that are labelled as “Sorceress.” I guess we’re just murdering hordes of sorceresses from history. Good thing the timeline is already being compressed into a singular moment, or else we’d fuck up the normal linear timeline, huh. Although the plan is to fix everything and revert it all to normal time…so…fuck it, the universe will sort it all out right? At least time traveling mechanics like that aren’t actually brought up by the game itself as a focal point in the plot, unlike some direct sequels to games within this same franchise that will go unnamed, despite my going out of my way to narrow down the list of possible candidates to only include a few select games.

_I love how in FF8, as opposed to end game side-quests becoming available after you unlock the final dungeon, or beat the game and save or something, no side quests are unlocked on disc 4. In fact, gaining access to Ultimecia’s castle actually cut’s off access to the majority of side-quests from earlier in the game.

_I could probably finish this off right now…but I’d rather close it off with a round number like “The Running Diary Part 10,” so putting it off for a bit for stupid reasons it is!

Final thoughts for the day– Adel constantly has her breasts exposed, except nobody cares since she’s built like a man. Not even “flat-chested,” but has buff man pecs. GG slipping that past the ESRB.


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