Netflix January 2015_day.11 – Pain and Gain (2013)

_I could say I’ve struggled with my weight for a long time. It’s the truth. It is a struggle. But I know a big part of the problem. I eat as comfort. Some people smoke, or drink, or shop, or screw…I eat. I decide I hate everything, one thing I don’t hate is a burger. Or a sandwich. Or ice cream. Or a burrito. Or macaroni. It’s my vice. I’m aware of it. It’s up to me to fix it. It comes and goes.

Up today, we’ll be watching Micheal Bay’s Pain and Gain.

_So, Pain and Gain is based on the true story of a group of moronic, meathead gym rats who decide to kidnap a rich asshole and take all of his stuff. I’m not sure how much it strays from the actual events, but even though the actual real life events are pretty horrible, the way the movie is done is as a kind of satirical farce.

And really? I don’t care how historically accurate these kinds of movies are. Want me to believe the facts? Make a documentary. Want to base something off of true events and entertain me? Do this. We’ve all had our Rudy moment, right? You see Rudy, then you find out the movie didn’t perfectly mimic real life and it’s like your world shatters. It’s the movie version of finding out about Santa. So yeah, don’t care much about how true it is.

_So anyways…Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Rock and Anthony Mackie play three muscle heads turned criminals. Monk Schaloub is the rich asshole. Their kidnapping plans are completely moronic. They’re terrible at hiding their identities. Their attempts to cover their tracks are amateurish. And yet they almost get away with it, because the victim is such an asshole, nobody cares enough that he went missing for a month, that he just disappeared without a word, and his story about ninja bodybuilders kidnapping him sounded so stupid, the police completely wrote it off.

_Many of the events depicted in the movie possibly being fabricated aren’t really important. More important? That it be believable. And as ridiculous as the events portrayed are, the movie is believable. The whole movie comes off as this perfect storm of idiocy and shitbaggedness that could happen. Everybody plays it straight. The three leads are way too good at playing meatheads too stupid to know how stupid their schemes are.

_I’ve never been a defender of Micheal Bay. But I do think he’s done some good movies and isn’t a complete hack, like some others would say. Sure, I wouldn’t call The Rock high art, but as an action movie, it’s a fantastic movie, and it still holds up. Pain and Gain is more in line with his early films like The Rock or Bad Boys than it is the Transformers movies. Granted, Pain and Gain isn’t an action movie like any of those three and features only one explosion, but the way the movie is shot, the more grounded nature of the movie, the feel of the sets…much more in line with those 90’s Bay movies.

_I’ll be honest: I laughed my ass off watching this movie. I watched it with a friend over Skype and we both laughed our asses off at this. It was just so outlandish. The first comparison to this movie off the top of my head is Dumb and Dumber. Wonderful. Micheal Bay: please make more movies like this.

_Tomorrow, we’ll be checking out the Hitchcock thriller, High Anxiety. I mean…the Mel Brooks parody. See you then.

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