Netflix February 2016_day.03 – The Da Vinci Code (2006)

_I tend to avoid New Year’s resolutions. I mean…I get it. Usher in a new year. Granted, given things like…why months are months and so forth, it’s kind of an arbitrary thing, new years. But I get it. Good excuse to get together with friends and have a good time. I’m not going to argue against it. But I feel like a resolution to better yourself isn’t something you should do just because “The year number changed.” It should happen because you want to better yourself, regardless of the current time.

That being said…when other people all have resolutions, I can’t help but think of things I want to change as well. One thing I often think about it “I should read more. Fiction, non-fiction, whatever. I should just read more.”

Then I watch a movie a day for a month while lamenting about how I don’t have enough time to read.

“A professor must decipher a cryptic message in the Louvre. Murder and Da Vinci’s art mask centuries of deception.”

Let us crack…The Da Vinci Code.

_I have to mention, does anybody not love Tom Hanks? Seriously. He goes through this movie as a bit cold and matter-of-fact historian and stuff, but the entire time I watch this movie, I’m thinking to myself “Tom Hanks iz dope, yo.” He’s basically likable by virtue of being Tom Hanks. If he played Hitler in a movie, I’d probably be sad when the Allies won.

_lol this movie is awesome. “I’m dying…I must…write out various messages in anagrams around the Louvre, augh!” I could see maybe…you know…one message, written in blood. But really now…wanders around the museum, draws symbols all over himself, poses like the Vetruvian Man…you’d think with all that strength he’d get to a hospital or something. Grab a phone, maybe. Nope. Gotta make it all complicated and lead us on a fun thriller mystery. What an asshole.

_I like Audrey Tautou. Maybe it’s because she’s cute as a button in Amelie, maybe it’s because she shares the name of my wonderful sister, maybe it’s because Brand New’s song “Tautou” was named after her and is one of the best album openers ever. Whatever it is, she’s pretty cool.

Jean Reno is pretty cool too. And Ian McKellen. Most of the people in this movie are pretty cool.

_I’ve never read the book, so this was my first experience with the Da Vinci Code. It really feels like the book probably didn’t have that much action in it. It probably had a bunch of implied danger. “Ooooooo, the Church has been covering stuff up for a long time, this information is explosive!” Oh, I’m sure that people are shot and that that pale guy chases them around in the book and stuff, but…the bad guys are so dangerous that the pale guy gets whooped by a dude who needs two canes to walk. Guy holds them at gunpoint, thwarted by the sound of birds flying 10 feet over his head. I’m not sure if they’re supposed to come off like mooks so that it’s believable that a history professor and a cryptographer could thwart them, but they totally come off like mooks.

_I can see why critics didn’t like The Da Vinci Code. It’s one of those movies where while I was watching it, I was sucked in, but when it finished and I thought about it, I laughed about how outlandish so much of it was.

_The easiest way to describe this movie…I would’ve liked it better if it was called “Detective Conan: The Da Vinci Code.”

Starring Tom Hanks as Conan Edogawa.

And he rides his rocket skateboard up the side of the Louvre.

_Stop by tomorrow as I watch a parody of a genre I know little about. Casa de mi Padre. See you then~


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