Netflix February 2016_day.11 – The Relic (1997)

_I was thinking about my age earlier today.  When my birthday rolls around this year, I will have lived longer in the new millennium than the last millennium. It’s not really a big deal, it’s just…I’ve always thought of myself as a 90’s kid. Which is mostly true, when I was a young teen, it was smack dab in the middle of the 90’s…but my later teen years happened in the 2000’s. I look back a both with tinges of nostalgia.

Not that it’s really important. My adolescence was what it was, I don’t really need to label it.


“At a natural history museum, an extremely unnatural creature emerges. The bad news: It’s big and hungry.”

Time to discover the secret of The Relic.

_I’m a big fan of actual pitch black in movies. Not “Oh man, the lights went out, I can’t see anything in all of this blue!” Sure, I get why that’s a thing: It represents that the characters can’t see, while letting the viewer know what’s actually going on. But I like the feeling of being there that actual darkness gives.

Is it a cheap effect, playing on the natural human instinct of being afraid of the dark? Yes. Yes it is. But that’s why it works. And a lot of movies avoid it. So it’s a nice breath of fresh air when you see actual darkness.

_So…you know how there are movie body count lists, where the on screen death count is added up and everything? The body count is this movie isn’t that high, but pretty much everybody who is killed in this is decapitated. This has to be in the Top 10 Movie Decapitation Count list. And probably the highest ranking non-historical movie where a bunch of rebels get beheaded for treason. I don’t know any of those off the top of my head, but it’s really not hard to imagine that kind of movie.

_The script for this movie is really strange. Everything is connected, but there are a few too many groups of people being terrorized by the creature. In the middle of the movie, we have Penelope Ann Miller and her wheelchair boss, secluded in the lab portion of the museum, we have a large group attending a gala for a new exhibit being opened, we have some cops in the tunnels below, and then some security guards in the control room. So all the doors that aren’t the a part of the museum floor get locked down, Penelope is thus stuck in the lab for most of the movie, so she can run tests and find out what the creature…then shit goes down in the tunnels, the museum goes into lockdown mode, and giant blast doors seal the place up, and there’s no way out of the main hall, save for the tunnels. I realize this isn’t the greatest description of events, but the point is “Shit goes down, it gets very hard for the people to freely move around the museum or leave.”

But the giant ass creature about the size of a rhino is freely moving around impossibly fast from area to area, decapitating and eating people all willy nilly.

Yes, my suspension of belief is already out there a bit when we have a giant human-turned-beast via some Brazilian tribal ceremony eating brains for sustenance, but I’ve seen plenty of movies just as outrageous with easy to follow logical lines of “What went where and how.” Every time the beast killed somebody in one place, then the next scene, it’s somewhere else, tearing somebody’s head off in another section of the museum, I’d kind of do that “Tilt my head sideways while thinking” thing, and only tilting further as I was continually befuddled by how it was possibly getting around.

_Other than that, it was ok.

Which, in summation, means “Logic aside…I enjoyed it.”


_Join us tomorrow as we watch a loose movie adaptation of the classic PS2 RPG Shadow Hearts: Covenant, Anastasia. See you then~

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