Netflix February 2016_day.16 – Major League (1989)

_I thought to myself earlier “Why do I basically write diary entries to start off these Netflix month entries? It has nothing to do with the movies. I could just blog about them normally.” It’s true…truth is, I don’t really know. It just feels right. It’s like…I’m letting the reader know about the mental state I’m in as I watched the movie of the day. Any feelings I had about the film coincides with the mindset. They help me remember why I felt about a movie a particular way when I go back and reread these.

Like I said…it just feels right.

“A baseball team built to lose does just that, in all sorts of wacky ways. Can these outcast athletes rally in the ninth?”

Time to join the Major League.

_What’s really interesting about this movie is that from a mechanical standpoint, the baseball is kind of terrible in this movie. Most of the actors look they didn’t watch a single lick of actual pro baseball footage. It’s great how Corbin Bernsen’s character Roger Dorn is portrayed in the movie as a player who won’t hustle on defense, and it’s totally believable, but then later in the movie starts trying, and the only noticeable difference is that now when he looks like he has no idea what he’s doing, the ball is going into his glove. Tom Berenger lays down a bunt at the end of the movie, and he literally doesn’t even move his hands. Both hands down at the knob of the bat, putting down a bunt. Good lord.

…OK, there are a couple people who don’t look too bad. Charlie Sheen looks believable, even if he also looks like he’ll blow his arm out halfway through Major League 2. Was that an actual plot point of 2? It should’ve been. Maybe they can make a new movie. Major League: The Ballad of Tommy John. Starring Charlie Sheen and Scott Bakula.

The Allstate guy/President from 24 also didn’t have a horrible swing.

_Aside from the actual footage of game, the way the movie is written from the baseball side is actually pretty good. As opposed to flat out being a team made up of terrible players, it’s stated the roster is a bunch of low wage rookies and aging vets. Not necessarily untalented players, just unproven guys, players who need some development, and past their prime veterans. Can I really buy them winning a pennant? Maybe not, but I could see a team with that makeup overachieving.

Charlie Sheen has a great arm, but needs to work on his control. 24 President can mash, but has to learn how to hit breaking balls (Which is a hilariously huge hole to have in your swing, but it’s a fine generic movie problem lol), Willie Mays Hayes has speed, but has to work on his hitting, so on and so forth yadayada. They get some good advice from the older players, they find something to rally around to bring them together as a team…like I said, I can actually buy it.

_Bob Uecker is great. He’s a national treasure. They should put him in the baseball hall of fame as an announcer, only proudly display all of his career stats.

_I like how they make the Yankees all look villainous by just filling their team with a bunch of bushy mustached guys. They look like a team of western outlaws.

_Worth mentioning here: I still hate that Major League went from an R to a PG in the sequel. Does a movie need the word “Fuck” in it to be good? No. But the players swearing at each other in the first movie works. It’s a locker room full of sports jocks and misfits. People trash talk in competition. It fits the atmosphere. So everybody losing their potty mouth in 2? It never fit. Same thing happened in Robocop 3. Take a franchise who that started with bitches leaving, a getting brutally blown apart with shotguns on screen, and quotes like “I’ll shove so much of this factory up your wop ass that you’ll shit snow for a year” and eventually morph that into a PG-13 affair? Come on.

_I wonder what year it was when the “Charming stalker” style of romantic subplot stopped being a thing. I say this legitimately not knowing if it’s still a thing in modern movies. Tom Berenger in this goes to a restaurant, sees an old flame of his, and proceeds to call her at the restaurant. “How did you know I was here?” “I took you there once. I thought you’d be wearing that dress and skirt…” I don’t care if she found out that he was there looking at her a second later, but imagine that happening to you. How scared shitless are you? And then he starts tailing her around town and follows her into a dinner party at someone else’s house…walks in without knocking. And then follows her AGAIN to her house…and just walks in AGAIN without knocking? She turns around to see him standing there. Good lord, Tom Berenger. How was this ever charming lol. I don’t even like going into other people’s rooms without knocking, much less in the front door.

Maybe that’s why I’m alone. Maybe I’d get more action if I just barged into people’s homes more often. I really shouldn’t knock it before I try it.

_Join us tomorrow as we watch a Dutch movie. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Melancholia. See you then~


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