Netflix February 2016_day.29 – Tarzan (1999)

_There are a lot of things in the world that are difficult to understand unless you have experienced them for yourself. Take getting kicked in the balls. It’s difficult for women to grasp how it feels. I’ve heard many women say “It’s hurts when we get kicked in the crotch too!” but…of course it does. It’s not like the crotch is some strange void with no nerve endings where all feeling ceases to be. If you got kicked anywhere on your body, it would hurt.

But I can tell kicks to the groin don’t hurt women as much. How do I know? Ask people to imagine getting kicked in the groin and watch their face. The difference between men and women’s facial expressions will tell you all you need to know.

But that’s an example of something I would have first hand knowledge of. But there are lots of things I don’t know, and never really will. I don’t have firsthand experience of how it feels to be treated as a women. I don’t get how people could be attracted to smelly feet. How can a person not feel remorse for any harm they caused to others? What happens to a persons taste buds to cause them to enjoy coconut?

Some things I’ll just never truly understand.


“Gorillas are his family, and the jungle is his home. But he’s torn between two worlds when he learns he’s human.”

Ooo ooo eee oooo Tarzan.

_I came to a realization watching this movie again for the first time in…I don’t even know how long. At least a decade. But I remembered how strange Tarzan’s physique was. He looks kind of alien…like he’s a humanoid, but not really human.

Then I figured it out. He reminds me of an Evangelion. They move all gangly and unnatural looking, like something trying to imitate a human and not quite getting it right. If only Disney decided to throw in a bunch of random religious imagery feigning deep meaning in this.

_It’s amazing that back in 1999, Rosie O’Donnell was a plucky-comic-sidekick character in a Disney movie.

_In the first half hour of this movie, I think you hear Phil Collins more than any other character’s voice. It’s kind of strange…they went away from with the musical route, not having characters in the movie break into song and dance numbers, but they still wanted to throw in musical pieces like Disney had done in the last 10 years of successful animated movies…so I guess they decided to split the difference and just have a lot of montage sequences.

All of them set to Phil Collins.

_Not specific to this Disney version, but if Tarzan never met Jane or any other humans…would…would he have tried to have sex with gorillas at some point? Would that have been the point where Kala said “Tarzan, I need to show you something I should’ve shown you a long time ago…” And when she took him to the treehouse where his parents died, did she just show him two skeletons lying there?

_Jane is pretty adorable in this movie, but I think a big part of it is because she has a British accent. Accents make everything cuter.


_Join me tomorrow when…oh shit, it’s March. Nothing tomorrow! Another Netflix month comes to a close. It was fun. It always is. Even the crummy movies. Whether or not you watched movies with me, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings on them. Until next year, because I probably won’t end up writing anything again in the 11 months between.

See you then~

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