Netflix February 2017_day.05 – Magic Mike (2012)

_The Super Bowl is tonight. I don’t have a horse in that race. I likely won’t be super invested in the game, but I’ll watch. Best of luck to all parties invested~

A teenager lured into the stripper lifestyle wants to get out while he still can. Does this club have an exit?

It’s sure to be the best movie based around the magician’s world since The Illusionist. It’s Magic Mike!

_15 seconds in, I see Matthew McConaughey grabbing his own ass and junk on stage to a crowd of screaming women.

And then Channing Tatum’s bar ass a minute later.

Then Olivia Munn’s boobs.

So this is Magic Mike. I can’t say I wasn’t expecting this. Maybe the boobs, I wasn’t expecting boobs. Though it’s not like I’m expecting to see dong. Just butts. I was definitely expecting a lot of bare ass. We’ll see if the movie keeps up the blistering pace of nudie bits that the first 5 minutes have set.

_”This is a serious business I’m running here.” Male stripping is a serious piece. As serious as In The Future There Will Be Robots.

_I will totally admit to forgetting that Kevin Nash was in this movie. He’s great. If you’ve ever seen him wrestle, then I’ll tell you: Him dancing in this movie is exactly how you would imagine it. Everybody around him gyrating , tearing off breakaway clothes, performing high energy dance moves…Nash standing in the back, methodically moving around, casually taking off his vest, doing no energy moves. Yup. Nash being Nash. It’s ridiculous, but hilarious.

_I think I’ve seen more thrusting crotches in the last 90 minutes than in the previous year. Just…crotches being thrust everywhere. Thrust in the sky. Thrust forward. Thrust in faces. Thrust on bodies. Thrust on the floor. Pick a direction, a crotch got thrust there at some point in time in this movie.

_Magic Mike is a strange movie. The writing is solid, it’s a kind of typical drama, like a movie about drug dealers, where on dealer mentors a new guy, but wants to get out and doesn’t want his protege falling into the pitfalls of a dangerous business. Except it’s not drug dealing. It’s dudes thrusting their junk in women’s faces. But it’s basically the same thing.

The strange part is that while it’s a drama…stripping is inherently a funny vocation, based on its ridiculousness. Guys jacking off umbrellas to the tune of It’s Raining Men. A firefighter in full pants, suspenders and hat with no shirt on. Police officers in thongs while also wearing a belt with guns and cuffs and batons. The idea is ludicrous on its face. That’s not just male strippers, too. I’ve been to a strip club. Women are great and boobs are cool, but…it’s just as ridiculous. Yeah, they’re hot, but it tends to be simultaneously laughable. I was saw a woman dressed up as Robin strip to Batdance. She was very attractive, but if you thought I wasn’t literally laughing in my seat the entire time, you would be wrong.

So you have a decent drama with scenes of 6 shirtless guys in army fatigues holding their hands in front of their crotches while pantomiming machine gun jizz fire mixed in every once in a while. If you enjoyed everything in that sentence on some level, this movie is up your alley.

_FYI – The movie did not keep up the blistering pace of nudie bits.

_FYI #2 – Channing Tatum performed zero scenes of slight of hand. “Magic” Mike my ass.

_Yup, we’re going back to Metropolis, and the series is surely going to just…shoot up in quality. Superman III. See you then~


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