Netflix February 2017_day.09 – *batteries not included (1987)

_Being unbiased is hard. I try to be as unbiased as I can be in most things, and if you try it, you realize how hard it is. It’s constant effort. It’s constantly having to go back on your first reaction. Every time you have an opinion, you close your eyes, analyze what you thought from different angles, and try to separate what is facts and what is your own personal tastes. I end up being super critical of things I like, and defending stuff I don’t like that much. It’s hard.

Luckily, when Netflix February rolls around, I generally make zero attempt at doing any of that. It’s whatever I feel like, no justifications given for anything.


After their apartment building is bought by an unscrupulous developer, an older couple faces eviction until tiny robotic aliens arrive to help.

I’m going in, knowing *batteries not included.

_Sometimes, I ponder things that happened within my lifetime, and…it really does feel like it was a lifetime ago. Obvious, I know. But I was considering the pitch for this movie. “Let’s make a family film with seniors as the main characters.” That just sounds like something that would never happen now. What studio greenlights that in 2017?

There’s actually a lot in this that I feel shows the difference in what was deemed OK for family films then and now. The main plot of the movies involves a real estate developer trying to evict tenants from their homes to make way for a large complex of office buildings. A few stubborn residents don’t want to leave their homes, so he hires a bunch of thugs to break into their apartments, smash up their stuff, and generally try to terrorize them until they leave. During the climax of the movie, thinking all the residents are out on errands, they try to blow up the building. I don’t particularly think anything here is inappropriate for kids or anything, but it’s more…it doesn’t feel like the kind of plot line that would be given the go ahead for a modern family film.

_I love these little flying robot alien critters. They come down and they just fix a bunch of stuff in a run down apartment complex that a greedy developer and his hired goons try to fuck up and force the tenants out of. I’m not sure how likely it is that an alien life form would stop by Earth and give the least amount of a shit about these random people, but I love the idea of aliens stopping by just to help people and be nice~

_I love that one of the tenants, Mason, actually loses his shit at the fact that the little robot beings self-replicate. That’s an actual thing worth losing one’s mind over.

_I love family movie plot holes. How do the robots not know how to fix their own kind, considering they can fix broken ass human objects in seconds? I mean, one of the little robot babies comes out “dead” and they just sit and be sad, while the big guy takes it and fixes with human handiwork? The robots are way better at fixing stuff! But it’s ok, family movie, it shows that the humans and robots help each other, and aren’t total moochers. It happens a lot in family and kids movies, and it’s fine. It’s ok to have story issues if they teach good lessons for the kids.

Or…something. All a good family movie really needs is a glut of adorable, cute things. Give me those, I’ll generally be fine. My standards drop, meet them. It’s not hard.

So final verdict: It was ok, the robots were cute. My friend says Johnny-5 would probably kick these robot’s asses. She’s probably not wrong.


_Come on by tomorrow, where we watch what is possibly the greatest superhero film of all time. Superman IV: The Quest For Peace. I’m stoked. See you then~

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