Netflix February 2017_day.18 – Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

_Sometimes, you go through phases where you find yourself craving a certain kind of food for a while. I remember a month where all I wanted to eat was fried rice all the time. A phase I’ve been going through for a year? Drinking a ton of milk. I just can’t seem to get enough. I’ve been going through gallon jugs alarmingly fast. I should drink more water. But…screw it. More milk. Milk forever~

The legend is back, doing what he does best: robbing from the rich, giving to the poor and fighting tyranny.

It’s Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Does that imply his father was the king of thieves?

_While not the most 90’s cast ever, Prince of Thieves has Kevin Costner and Christian Slater in starring roles. So…pretty 90’s.

_Kevin Costner’s…”British accent” is amazing. It’s like his attempt at an accent is “speak in a slightly higher register than normal.” Yup. That’s the Brits. And I’m not sure if that hair is British, but it’s certainly ridiculous.

_One of the things I love about Netflix February is when I watch movies during the month and seeing an actor randomly show up in multiple movies. Like Michael Wincott, who I had to look up the name of, randomly appearing as the big bad in The Crow, then plays Alan Rickman’s dickhead cousin in this.

_So I don’t know the ACTUAL legend of Robin Hood, I only kind of know from…the animated Disney movie where he’s an anthropomorphic fox, but in this, the Sheriff murders Robin’s father while Robin was off on the Crusades in a prison in Jerusalem, saving Morgan Freeman’s life, who then swears an oath to travel with him until he repays him by saving HIS life, and Robin travels back to protect Maid Marian, who he was a shithead to as a kid. You know, pulling her hair and teasing her all the time because girls are gross and and he totally never liked her.

_You know, I get the idea behind the phrase “I will not rest until…” stuff, but it’s just a terrible idea. You need a good night’s sleep to function at your fullest. Could you imagine Robin Hood not sleeping for the months it takes for him to get vengeance for his father? A man driven mad from a lack of sleep, loopy and insane? …I’d actually love to see that movie. Not Robin Hood like that, but some action movie where the hero has to fight sleep deprivation, kind of like John McLaine going barefoot in Die Hard, an offbeat thing the hero has to overcome. Yeah, let’s go with that.

_Movies are great. It’s hilarious when characters do stuff for laughs that could have accidentally murder people. Robin distracts a kid after he tells him he has to shoot an arrow while being distracted, and when Robin tries, Marian distracts him by blowing in his ear, which leads to him firing a stray arrow and plunking it into a basket about a foot away from some random guy. Does that guy know how close he came to getting murdered cause Marian wanted to act cute? And then everybody had a big hearty chuckle at the almost killed guy. Movies are sweet~

_This movie, if nothing else, is notable for having a Sheriff of Nottingham played by Alan Rickman. I think it’s something we can all get behind. He spends the majority of the movie hamming it up in scenes almost by himself. He yells at mooks and errand boys, and gets and wide eyed at Robin Hood’s antics and punches the faces off guards, rendering them faceless nobodies.

It’s actually pretty jarring. The majority of the movie goes from a scene with the Sheriff to a scene with Robin. We often wee Robin do something, which elicits a reaction from the Sheriff, then back to Robin, and so on and so forth. Scenes with Rickman tend to be generally over the top and ridiculous, while scenes with Costner are serious pieces! Or maybe I just find Alan Rickman to be hilarious ever since I saw that drawing of Alan Rickman Snape french kissing Alan Rickman Dr. Lazarus.

That’s probably why when Mel Brooks parodied this movie, he put in Prince John as the main antagonist. How could you make a more ridiculous Sheriff than the one in this movie?

_Man…Sean Connery is King Richard in this…Men in Tights had Patrick Stewart…the Disney version had a very stately lion. There’s a pretty high bar for playing King Richard in movies.

And I can’t pick between the songs from all three. Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do,” the Men in Tights song, or…anything from the Disney version. It’s a hard choice. Unless you’re Canadian. Then I imagine you just pick Bryan Adams on principle.

If I’m picking my favorite Robin Hood overall, though…I mean…the Disney version is the only one with Sir Hiss. As far as I’m concerned, the folk tale should be rewritten to incorporate Sir Hiss into it.

_Stop by tomorrow as I do research to better understand Maurice LaMarche’s Orson Welles impression. The Third Man. See you then~


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