Category Archives: Film

Things that have been recorded for future generations to watch…assuming the copyright holders decided to transfer it to the newest media format.

Netflix February 2017_day.28 – Judge Dredd (1995)

_This is it. The last day of Netflix February. It brings to a close the now annual month where I write more than I do in the other 11. It’s not really my intention, it just kind of happens that way. Netflix February is a thing that I don’t really have any obligation to do. I could easily just write up a single paragraph for every day. I could just watch them in private and write nothing. More than anything, the month serves as a reason to write stuff. I’ve had people compliment my writing before, but I’m my own harshest critic. I’d rather do nothing than post something that I’m not satisfied with. Even if it’s arbitrary, the daily deadline helps. And it’s fun, too. I do enjoy watching all these movies. Even the shitty ones. Especially the shitty ones. Well, I enjoy the good movies more, but like I’ve said, the shitty ones are easier for me to write about. Yesterday’s Twilight post was effortless.


Their best lawman is framed as a common criminal. That was their first mistake. Now he wants more than justice.

Spoilers: He is the law. Judge Dredd.

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Netflix February 2017_day.27 – Twilight (2008)

_I have exciting news. Tomorrow, I should be receiving my new bed…well, it’s exciting for me. I hadn’t really thought about how old my current one was until recently, and then realized “Holy shit, it’s almost 10 years old, that probably explains a lot.” So…new bed time. It’s exciting. More comfy sleep is exciting. Lying down on beds to try them out while I was shopping for them was exciting. It felt great. I’m excited. Moreso than I’ve been for anything in a good long while.

Not that I can’t get excited for other stuff. But this is the most immediate. So…I’m excited. Should be slightly awesome.


Hottest guy in school, eternal devotion and sparkly skin: totally solid reasons to date a vampire. No necking, though.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Twilight.

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Netflix February 2017_day.26 – Changeling (2008)

_This seems like as good a time as any to say that I love Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. I’m not someone who goes out to watch movies based solely on an actor being in it, but I’d be a liar if I said that them being in a movie didn’t make me more interested in a film. It was just coincidence that they were a huge Hollywood power couple too, I never followed any of their personal lives.

But I’d also be a liar if I said that seeing their split in things like US Weekly when I went grocery shopping wasn’t like being in the middle of two friends having a falling out. I’d see mudslinging mud and just in my head go “Nooooooo stop I love you both don’t do thiiiiiiiis!”

It doesn’t affect my personal life, but yeah. It’s as close as my world could possibly come to crumbling due to celebrity gossip. Which is turns out is not much. The amount of life crumbling was like a crack beginning to form on the sidewalk. Maybe in 50 years, that crack will have turned into a full blown divot, grass growing out of it, so uneven as to render it untraversable by wheelchairs and bikes, and I’ll be on my deathbed, and if any one is there in my final moments, I’ll whisper in their ear “I wish Brangelina never split up”.


A grief-stricken mother’s son is missing — even when the cops bring him home. It’s their word against hers.

Look out Alpha Quadrant, it’s Changeling.

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Netflix February 2017_day.25 – The God of Cookery (1996)

_I love the cold. Living in Vegas, we don’t get much of it, and in relation to plenty of other parts of the world, Vegas-cold is dick. I go “Brrrr 50 degrees brrrrrrrrrr” while there are people all over the rest of the country who have to do things like chisel ice off their car windows. That’s something I’ve literally never done in my entire life. But even once it gets down to freezing levels, you know, 32 degrees Fahrenheit like us silly Americans say, I love the cold. I treasure the short time I have with it. Sure, it kind of sucks when it’s just so it’s biting at my fingers, making it painful to touch things and trying to grip something feels like my entire arm is going to shatter from moving it in the bitter temperature, but I still love it. I actually smile while lying in bed, freezing my ass off, pulling all my covers over my body, huddling up as snugly as I can, trying to position my feet and hands in blanket pockets for warmth. That’s the thing I love…the feeling of not being cold in the cold. It beats the feeling of not being hot in the scorching heat a hundred times.

I think it’s because it’s far easier for the cold to actually kill you. The feeling of actively not dying in the cold is better than the feeling of being slightly less miserable in the heat.


This cocky chef once ruled the kitchen — before he didn’t. Now it’s time for the most delicious comeback ever tasted!”

I like food. The God of Cookery.

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Netflix February 2017_day.24 – To Catch a Thief (1955)

_At this point in Netflix February, I’m at that place where there’s all these movies I want to get to, but find myself with not enough days to watch them all. Before it starts, I do a rough outline of what I’ll watch and when I’ll watch them, I try to get a good amount of different genres and actors and different eras represented, try to get some rewatches in, and I feel good with what I have. Then plans change, I watch something and think to myself “I need a thematic shift tomorrow” and move something up or down or take thing off completely, or I’ll finish a movie and it’ll recommend something and I’ll go “I thought I scoured everything how did I not know this was on instant?!” and try to cram it somewhere and suddenly, it’s the end of the month and I think to myself “Shit, I can’t watch all 10 of these,” and “I want to watch this and this, but…4 rom-com’s in a row? That’d be a bit much…” or “Maybe this…but…I feel like I watched a lot of family movies already…” The start of the month is so easy, with so many possibilities, but now? Too many choices, not enough time, man.


Suspected in a new series of heists in the hotels of the French Riviera, a reformed jewel thief sets out to clear himself — and catch the real thief.

It’s almost but not quite Coolio’s first album. To Catch a Thief.

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Netflix February 2017_day.23 – Burn After Reading (2008)

_You ever have those moments when you’re driving, and someone cuts you off, and you just get angry about it? Yeah, we all have. I’ve had that happen, and I think to myself “Yeah, go ahead buddy, lord knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t dangerously shifted lanes to save maybe 1 second from your commute.” And then I think…what if something bad would’ve happened if he didn’t save one second off his commute? What if this was like in a movie, and a pregnant lady is in labor, getting rushed to the hospital in the backseat and the driver is just going as fast and as semi-recklessly as he can? And he’s not being completely unsafe, because that would video game-like driving, where the fastest route is drive into oncoming traffic or running over pedestrians on the sidewalk or power sliding into other cars and using the physics engine to propel you out of your turn faster. But in those movies, rushing the woman in labor is heroic. We cheer them on. I dunno what the story is behind the guy who cut me off. It’s most likely that he’s just a selfish shithead and a bad driver…but it’s possible that they really do have something important to get to. So I try not to get too mad…though I don’t always succeed.


A dim-bulb jock, a sex addict and a booze-soaked secret agent. The CIA’s dirty secrets are in their capable hands.

It’s a movie, but even so…Burn After Reading.

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Netflix February 2017_day.22 – Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)

_I love thinking about video games in relation to the real world. Like jumping. In any gave with a jump, it’s just the natural way to traverse the world. Explore by jumping. But thinking of the real world…when the hell do you ever jump? I never jump in my daily life. It’s an action I am capable of doing, but rarely have the need to ever do. Why jump over a rail when I could just duck? Why jump onto a knee high platform when I can just take a high step? Why the hell would I repeatedly jump to go up inclines? That just seems needlessly dangerous.


Four kids get an ant’s-eye view of the world, thanks to a wacky inventor’s shrink ray. It’s a jungle out there!

It’s the movie that made Rick Moranis a household name. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

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